


The Bean Juice Saga

by Endofwave



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, linked universe- fandom
Genre: (it is), ...or is it?, It's Time, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2020-05-16 15:30:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19320973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Endofwave/pseuds/Endofwave
Summary: Wild hated the Bean Juice... he just didn't know why, yet.





	1. The Beginninng of the End

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to the handful of other people that were involved in the monumental conversation that led to this fic, several months in the making.
> 
> Presented without further comment... the Bean Juice Saga.

Wild hated the Bean Juice.

He’d discovered it on accident during his own adventure, and it was the most disgusting thing he’d ever tasted. He’d been making a pot of nice lavender tea with courser bee honey, and the dang things had fallen into the boiling water and made something terrible. He’d taken a few of the beans with him, just in case he needed to drive some Moblins away with the smell, or something, and continued on his way.

That’s why he made it for Legend. The other hero was annoying him, so when Wild remembered the terrible beans he threw those into the pot instead of the chamomile he’d been about to make. It filled the camp with an awful smell, and Wild wrinkled his nose. It was almost more trouble than it deserved, but hopefully Legend’s reaction would be worth it.

Wild hoped the others would forgive him, because he didn’t really have a way to get  _ just _ Legend to drink the bean juice. Who knew, maybe one of them would like the horrid stuff.

He wasn’t expecting  _ all _ of them to.

“What in Hylia’s name is this stuff?” Warriors demanded, slamming his empty mug down. “Why haven’t you been making this the entire time?”

Wild blinked. “The gross bean stuff?”

“Gross?” Said Four blankly, looking dumbfounded. “This stuff is amazing! My Hyrule doesn’t have anything like this, what do you call it?” Legend, sat beside him, was staring into space wearing an expression that Wild could only call epiphanic.

Wild panicked. Everyone was looking at him either reverently, expectantly, or both, and he’d never thought of a  _ name _ for the bean tea. It was terrible! It didn’t deserve a name! 

“Um…” Wild trailed off. Hyrule coughed, and he latched onto that like a lifeline. “Cough!” He blurted out. “Uh, cough…y. Coughy.” That sounded like a horrible name for a drink, which in all fairness the beverage deserved. “Spelled like, um, coffee.” Yeah. That sounded okay.

Sky and Twilight had politely set down their cups after a few sips, but a whisper of “coffee…” rippled through the rest of the group. Even  _ Time  _ had finished his bean water, and was looking around for more.

“Sweet Hylia,” breathed the eldest hero. “Can you make that again?”

Wild cast a nervous look around. Legend had apparently broken out of his stupor and was staring, eyes wide, into the dregs of his cup. Wind’s pupils were worryingly dilated, and the youngest hero was… vibrating?

“Yes, give us more of this strange energy liquid!” Demanded Legend suddenly, eyes narrowed with a surprising intensity as he stood abruptly, sending his empty mug to the ground with a clatter.

Wild shook his head in disbelief. The bean j- the  _ coffee _ , it was terrible! Were these people  _ mad? _ “Yeah, I can. I need the beans, though. They only grow in my Hyrule.”

It had felt like an innocent thing to say, at the time. They  _ were  _ in his Hyrule, though, and by the next morning Wild was saddled with more of the cursed beans than he’d ever wanted to see. 

“It’s like a stamina potion,” said Hyrule mildly. He wasn’t as obsessed with the stuff as the others were, but he still took a mug whenever Wild was forced to make it. “But it tastes much better.”

“I thought it was more like one of Wild’s hasty elixirs,” said Wind wistfully. He’d been banned from the drink after the second day. “It made everything go faster.”  

Wild made it again. And again. He was making several smelly pots of the stuff a day, now. He didn’t really get it, but at least it came with perks. 

“I’ll make the bad hot juice if someone brings me some raw gourmet meat for our dinner.” And six of the heroes would bolt into the woods just like that. It was  _ great _ for if he needed some peace and quiet, or if he wanted to talk to just Twilight or Sky. He learned quickly that actually withholding the terrible bean liquid would make the others irritable, but if he just  _ threatened _ it...

And then he started to worry.

Time started asking Wild to take the watch right before his, and make the coffee so that he could have some as soon as he woke up. The older hero seemed more sluggish before he had the drink, and Wild wondered with some alarm if it was actually  _ hurting _ his companions. Every time Legend had a mug of the stuff he would stare into it contemplatively between sips, otherwise dead to the world. Wild had to watch the cook pot like a hawk whenever it was full of coffee, because Wind’s plots to acquire it were getting more and more intricate. 

Time seemed to think something was wrong, too, because after a week and a half he finally called the groups attention. He seemed to struggle with what he was about to say, holding his mug of bean juice close. 

“This is a dangerous potion,” he said finally, heavily. “I’m confiscating what is left, and Wild won’t be making it again.”

Wild heaved a sigh of relief as the majority of his companions burst into argument. He was free at last of the stinky bean-

“Except when I ask.”

No! He was so close! “But, Time-”

“Don’t ask questions.”

Late that night, Wild awoke to Legend gently shaking him. He rolled over groggily. Was it time for his watch already? He thought he was supposed to be after Hyrule…

“Wild,” hissed Legend, voice low and urgent, and Wild was awake immediately, hand reaching for his weapon until Legend shook his head. “Wild, I need you to make me the bean juice.”

Well, at least he called it what Wild thought it deserved to be called. “Time said no,” he managed, trying to wrap his sleepy mind around the situation. He didn't  _ want _ to make the bean juice.

Legend glared at him. “Secret bean juice. And  _ don’t  _ tell Time.”

Legend practically dragged Wild to the fire pit he’d set up, in a clearing far enough from camp that Time wouldn’t be woken up by the smell. Wild frowned. This was a planned, premeditated solicitation of the bean juice.

“I’ve been experimenting,” Legend said, while Wild stirred the beans into the already boiling water and tried not to look too disgusted by the smell. Wild didn’t ask him to elaborate, but Legend pulled out a bottle of milk from seemingly nowhere. “Twilight puts milk in his tea and says it makes it better. I tried it the other day with the bean juice, and it was good, but I need secrecy to figure out how to get it just right.”

...Okay, then. Wild had a bad feeling about this. He didn’t want to be woken up every night before his watch to be forced into brewing more of this stuff. “Could I just teach you, and you can do it yourself?”

Legend turned towards him, eyes wide with exaggerated surprise like that had never occurred to him. If that’s what he had wanted, all he had to do was ask… Wild waved him over to the cook pot and showed him what to do.

He didn’t know it then, but that was the beginning of the end.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wild, happy as a clam but as no idea why the fuck this is happening: free ingredience


	2. Escalation

It took them a while to defeat Dark Link, but they did a good job and all got to go home.

Wild had lots to do in his Hyrule, but he made a point of visiting the others as much as he could. Twilight sometimes came home with him and stayed for a while, helping the slow rebuilding of Wild’s Hyrule, but it was also nice to wander around the others’ homes without the threat of darkness hanging over them.

He hadn’t been to visit Legend for a while, so he said goodbye to his Zelda and promised to bring her back some bugs, and set off happily.

He returned far earlier than expected, gasping for breath, a wild look in his eyes. Zelda and her guard met him with alarm. 

“Link?”

“It- it’s Legend-” he managed, legs shaking from having run all the way from Legend’s castle to his own. “He, he-”

Zelda gasped, fearing the worst. Wild straightened up and gripped her shoulders. There were tears in his eyes.

“Zelda, he’s spreading the beans!”

“...I beg your pardon?”

“The beans, Zelda! The terrible beans!” The castle had a grove of them in one of the new courtyards, and Link practically dragged Zelda out to show her. “I went to go find him, and Ravio was there for some reason, and Ravio said he was at the Bean Bar.” Wild would have known that awful smell anywhere. Legend had mysteriously disappeared by the time Wild had slammed the front doors of the bar open. The menu had been written in a fancy script Wild could barely read, full of made up words like ‘latte’ and ‘frappuccino.’ There was only one place in all of the Hyrules that those beans grew. 

“He’s been stealing our beans! We have to stop him.”

“...Why?”

Why?  _ Why? _ How could she not see the problem here!? Wild took a deep breath to steady himself.

“The others, they don’t know. When they find out that Legend knows how to make the bean juice, they’ll make me teach them, and then they’ll start stealing the beans too. That stuff put some kind of spell on Time and Wind, and Legend wants to just sell it to the people?” The curse would spread, and it would be all his fault!

Then he had an idea. “Zelda! Make me a robot to protect the beans.”

“Oh. Um, I-” She was still confused, but if he was that intent on such a thing... “I already repurposed the Guardians. I can assign one to protect the garden. Who is the target?”

“The Heroes chosen by Hylia.”

“A-all of th-”

“All of them.” Wild paused, considering. “Make sure they have a lot of mobility.”

\---

_ Dear Legend, _

_ I hope that all is peaceful in your Hyrule. We are doing well. I am writing to inquire how you have been continuing to get coffee beans from Wild’s Hyrule castle, as he has set up some… extreme measures to protect them. I need this delicious stamina potion for my troops, as some of  _ _~~us~~ _ _ them have come to rely on its effects.  _

_ Regards, _

_ Link, Hero of Warriors _

\---

_ Hey Warriors, _

_ Wind can control seagulls. I’m paying him with gift cards to my place. Up your game. _

_ Legend _

\---

People in Castle Town began to whisper of the strange hero that came in the night to steal the beans. Sometimes he wore armor. Sometimes he shrank. Sometimes he came in riding on a kangaroo- whatever  _ that _ was.

Wild got Robbie to reprogram the Guardian to shoot down seagulls on sight, and to play a loud recording of Urbosa’s Fury if any Hylian entered the orchard unauthorized. 

“We could just burn the beans?” Suggested Zelda, after the second Skywatcher came crashing down in the night. 

“I tried that,” said Wild, working diligently on repairing the broken guardian (“Stupid kid and his stupid magic stick!”). “It smelled  _ terrible _ . Plus, Zelda, what if they can  _ breath the bean juice _ ? How far might the effects spread!?”

Zelda gasped. She hadn’t thought of that. 

Wild nodded gravely. "Robbie, I need you to reprogram this guardian to guard my bean patch from that kid over there in the blue shirt specifically.”

\---

_ Legend, _

_ These bottles that you and Ravio enchanted with a heat containment spell are very useful, thank you. However, I am almost out of the coffee. I am planning a trip to your Hyrule to restock, and will be bringing Malon this time- she does not care for the coffee “black,” but I believe she may enjoy “frappucino” directly from the source. I have heard that the Bean Bar is experiencing shortages- is this true? Please advise. _

_ Yours Respectfully, _

_ Time _

_ \--- _

_ Time, _

_ The Bean Bar is closed until further notice. We’re almost out and Warriors is paying me double to supply his army with what’s left. Wild is making this more difficult than it needs to be, take it up with him. If you can find a way to get more of the beans from his place, I’ll make more of the stuff for you. _

_ Good luck, _

_ Legend _

\---

_ Wild, _

_ How is the rebuilding of Deya village going? Twilight said you were making good progress in clearing monsters from that area, but that you may need help draining the swamp- please let me know if I can be of assistance. On an unrelated note, I recently heard from Legend that you have taken to guarding the Beans in your castle. I’m sure I don’t understand why. I have no desire to infiltrate your castle, as I’m sure some of the others have attempted, so please name your price. I need the coffee, it is a potent and delicious potion and I’ve come to rely on  _ ~~_ it for energy _ ~~ _ Legend as a supplier. _

_ Yours Respectfully, _

_ Time _

\---

_ Link of Lon Lon Ranch (Hero of Time), _

_ I hope you and Malon are well. Link (Hero of the Wild) is refusing to speak with any of you and has delegated the writing of this letter to me, Zelda (of the Wild). I’m sure you understand why we can not allow the beans to leave this castle- if what Link says is true, they are a possible liability to all Hyrules. I would like to study them further before allowing them to be distributed in any way. Our castle is currently on partial lock down due to the recent influx of… nightly invaders, and I request that you not attempt to visit. _

_ Thank you very kindly for your offer of assistance. We are doing well with the reconstruction, though Link tells me that you may know a fire spell that would be of great help in drying the wetlands. Once this security threat has passed, we would be grateful to accept your aid. _

_ Your Servant, _

_ Zelda _

\---

Twilight flipped the letter over.

\---

_ PS: It’s for your own good, old man. -Wild _

_ PPS: This is Hyrule Bean Juice Castle and you can’t have any! -Wild _

\---

Twilight sighed, rubbing his temples. “Time, please don’t.”

“Twilight, he’s left me no choice. This is the way it has to happen.”

“It really isn’t.” 

“It is!” Snapped Time, far more intensely than the situation mandated. Twilight exchanged a glance with Malon over the older hero’s shoulder. Time was already in full battle armor. There wasn’t much they could do to stop them. “Are you with me, or against me?”

_ He’d just wanted to spend some time with them at the ranch. _ “I’m gonna go visit Sky,” decided Twilight. “Malon, you’re welcome to come.” 

They watched Time ride away towards Wild’s Hyrule.

“...Sky has tea and pumpkin juice,” said Twilight. “Really strong tea.”

Malon sighed, looking exhausted and exasperated. “Lead the way, darling.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't figure out how to end it I got too into writing the letters xP  
> (I had the first half of this chapter already written idk when I'll get the rest done, it's gonna be... difficult, to translate it from my outline.)


	3. The Log

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has come to my attention that, try as I might, I simply cannot replicate how fucking funny the original Bean Juice conversation was in writing. I feel guilty, though, hoarding it all to myself. So here it is, the original conversation log that took place on March 15/16, 2019, over the course of about an hour and a half in the castletown-chat channel, in its entirety. All that's been changed for readability is minor spelling fixes, the removal of all the irrelevant stuff and reactions in between, changing the nicknames to just our names, and a few non-sequiturs responding to the voice chat. Our ideas jump around a lot near the beginning, but solidify into... well. The Bean Juice Saga.
> 
> Please enjoy.

**Somnus** : Imagine Wild can make a mean coffee

**Ekho** : Goron spice coffee

**Shark** : Wild  _ invents  _ coffee in his Hyrule 

**Shark** : after the calamity

**Somnus** : ^ Omg yes 

**Shark** : Wild doesn't like coffee, he makes it for Legend one day when he's annoying him and Legend is like O-O

**Shark** : Bc wild thinks its gross and everyone is just like holy shit make that again

**Somnus** : Wild: Are you people mad?

**Shark** : Legend, shaking wild by the shoulders: GIVE ME THE ENERGY LIQUID

**Somnus** : I think Time wouldn't let them

**Shark** : Time: this is a dangerous potion im confiscating it all immediately don't ask questions

**Ekho** : turns around and chugs it

**Shark** : Wild: i can make more of the gross bean juice if you want

**Somnus** : Time: Only make it when I ask.

**Shark** : Legend wakes Wild up in the middle of the night

**Shark** : Legend: Make Me The Bean Juice

**Shark** : secret bean juice

**Somnus** : And don't tell Time

**Shark** : Oh god wind gets coffee

**Ekho** : oh god

**Shark** : JDKLFJK LEgend goes back to his hyrule and founds starbucks

**Shark** : bc let's be clear, Wild invented coffee

**Shark** : it does not exist anywhere else

**Somnus** : Wild is basically a god for the Links

**Rose** : Legend, behind Wild as he's somewhat asleep: Give me the bean juice brother

**Somnus** : Time, looming behind Legend: Fight me first.

 

( **someone in vc, presumably** : where does he get the name coffee from if he invented it?)

 

**Shark** : I don't think he does

**Shark** : I think it's called something else

**Somnus** : Because it tastes so horrible that he coughs

**Shark** : Ohh that's good 

**Shark** : I feel like he just calls it Bad Bean Juice and someone else is like "THIS IS A WONDERFUL DRINK" so he like looks around like that one alien comic

**Shark** : Hyrule coughs, and he says "COUGH-y. Coughy." "Ok yes coffee"

**Somnus** : Like, I think Hyrule and Sky wouldn't like coffee tho 

**Shark** : oh god Wind with coffee

**Somnus** : Wind inhales coffee

**Shark** : Consider: Sky doesn't like coffee

**Shark** : Until legend invents lattes

**Shark** : Four doesn't like coffee, necessarily, but he drinks it for the energy boost

**Somnus** : Wild: Sky, don't ever change. Don't ever inhale the evil bean juice.

**Shark** : Wild, crying: why does everyone love the bean juice

**Somnus** : Wild regrets inventing bean juice.

**Shark** : Time drinks coffee for the first time and his mental process is like this

**Shark** : :I    ---> >:O

**Shark** : Time's life is changed by coffee

**Somnus** : Time: Sweet Hylia

**Shark** : Turns out coffee beans only exist in Wild's hyrule

**Shark** : but no one knows until it's too late

**Shark** : Legend becomes a cryptid in Wild's Hyrule

**Ekho** : Doesn't even say hi

**Somnus** : Wild: I don't like these evil beans anymore. They make people twitchy.

**Ekho** : just comes in, grabs and goes

**Shark** : people whisper of the strange hero that comes in the night to steal the Beans

**Somnus** : Sometimes, it was a hero with armor and sometimes he shrinks

**Shark** : Wild repurposes a guardian to guard the beans from wind specifically

**Somnus** : Wild to Zelda: I need your help with something. 

**Somnus** : Zelda: WHat? 

**Somnus** : Wild: Help me guard evil beans from Wind.

**Ekho** : "Robbie I need you to reprogram this guardian to guard my bean patch from that kid over there in the blue shirt"

**Shark** : Wild learns that he can manipulate the others by withholding the Terrible Bean Liquid

**Somnus** : Hyrule castle becomes the place for beans

**Shark** : ajdsklfjdk Ekho yes

**Ekho** : I caN'T bREath

**Shark** : Wild: I'll make the Bad Hot Juice if you bring me some gourmet raw meat

**Shark** : -six links bolt into the woods-

**Somnus** : Time: How dare you underestimate me like this Wild 

**Shark** : Twi and Sky sitting at the fire like "..."

**Somnus** : Twi: So, how's your Zelda?

**Shark** : Sky: Fine, fine.

**Shark** : Sky: yours?

**Somnus** : Twi: Oh, she's fine. Milk? 

**Shark** : Wild, happy as a clam but as no idea why the fuck this is happening: free ingredience

**Ekho** : I hope someone is getting this all down

**Somnus** : WHAT IF SKY AND TWI HELPS WILD PROTECC EVIL BEAN JUICE

**Shark** : Twi: if you're using this bean juice to your advantage i want a cut

**Shark** :For Legend's starbucks yes

**Shark** : linkbucks

**Shark** : Starrupees

**Ekho** : YES

**Somnus** : Zelda: I already re-purpose the guardians. Who is the targets?

**Somnus** : Wild: The Heroes Chosen by Hylia.

**Shark** : YEP

**Ekho** : omg

**Shark** : Zelda: A-all of th-

**Shark** : Wild: All of them

**Somnus** : Wild: Make sure they have a lot of mobility.

**Shark** : Wild, dead inside: Zelda they like the bean juice

**Somnus** : What if Zelda also likes bean juice

**Shark** : Wild's Zelda does not

**Shark** : it's something they can bond over

**Somnus** : Ganons helping Wild defend

**Shark** : He sets up a Guardian to play a recording of "URBOSAS FURY IS NOW READY"

**Somnus** : Wild: Help me protect evil beans

**Somnus** : Calamity: Alright, young hero.

**Shark** : whenever someone trips the wire

**Ekho** : "And thus the war of the ages of time was stopped all by the treaty to defend the bean patches from the Heros of Courage"

**Shark** : Warriors sets up a secret black market deal with legend to supply his troops with the Tasty Stamina Potion That Wild Won't Let them Have

**Somnus** : "All of the Triforce bearers, Princess Zelda, Link of the Wild and Calamity Ganon are now defending Hyrule Evil Bean Juice Castle from the clutches of the past Heroes of Courage."

**Ekho** : I've laughed and cried tears of laughter more in the past hour than I have in the past 2 months

**Shark** : HYRULE BEAN JUICE CASTLE

**Shark** : What I love is that Wild doesn't have a reason for keeping the beans to himself he just hates coffee that fucking much

**Somnus** : He could always burn the beans

**Shark** : He tries that but it smells TERRIBLE 

**Ekho** : He enjoys the leverage 

**Ekho** : and one guardian patrolling with the "Urbosa's Fury is now ready" on speaker

**Shark** : Wild, burning the beans: WAIT

**Shark** : Zelda: what

**Shark** : Wild: WHAT IF THEY CAN BREATH THE BEAN JUICE

**Shark** : Time going through caffeine withdrawal fucking marches up to Hyrule Bean Juice Castle with the fierce deity mask under his arm

**Shark** : "I SWEAR ILL DO IT WILD"

**Shark** : "I SWEAR TO HYLIA I WILL"

**Somnus** : No, he doesn't need the mask. 

**Somnus** : HE IS THE MASK

**Shark** : "ILL DISMANTLE THIS CASTLE WITH MY BARE HANDS GIVE ME THE B E A NS" 

**Ekho** : That would be slightly terrifying

**Shark** : Twilight, crying: Wild give him the beans

**Somnus** : Twi: Do you hear something?

**Somnus** : Sky: No, why?

**Shark** : Twi and sky drinking tea in skyloft

**Shark** : ignoring the Bean Wars

**Shark** : Wind trips and spills his milk in twi's tea

**Shark** : Twi: you ruined my tea this is terrible

**Shark** : Legend: WAIT HES ONTO SOMETHING

**Somnus** : How long will this war goes on.

**Ekho** : for eternity

**Shark** : forever

**Somnus** : Wild: ........... Are they gone-

**Shark** : Wild's Zelda gets bored and makes a deal with legend to supply him beans for research funding

**Shark** : Wild doesn't know

**Shark** : Zelda: yes the beans are gone

**Shark** : Wild: BUT WHY ARE THE BEANS GONE

**Ekho** : Time, from out of nowhere: "SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER GIVE ME ALL YOUR BEANS"

**Shark** : Time is wearing the barbarian armor somehow 

**Shark** : fukign ambushes Legend on his way back to starruppes

**Shark** : GIVE ME TH E BEANS LEGEND

**Shark** : GIVE ME THE BEANS AND NO ONE GETS HURT

**Somnus** : I KNOW YOU HAVE THEM

**Somnus** : Sky: Hey Twi, do you hear something?

**Somnus** : Twi: Nope.

**Shark** : They're having the most epic sword fight of the century, a clash between legendary heroes, and we pan over to Wind in the bushes gathering the fallen beans onto his shirt

**Shark** : wind: hehehe the beans

**Shark** : wind:  i have them

**Ekho** : He doesn't even think to put them in his bag 

**Shark** : Legend and Time turn in unison

**Shark** : " THE BEAN S "

**Somnus** : Only to be ambushed by Hyrule 

**Ekho** : Wind, running away: "All the bean juice is mineeeeee"

**Shark** : Hyrule sighs in relief, Warriors immediately b owls him over and steals the beans

runs in from the side and just slams into him

**Shark** : "SORRY HYRULE I NEED THESE BEANS FOR MY ARMY"

**Somnus** : Four hook shotting at Warrior

**Shark** : The entire thing is just the island sequence for dead mans chest

**Ekho** : Wild is the hot commodity

**Shark** : Time and LEgend team up briefly to take down warriors and steal his beans

**Somnus** : Omg, imagine sky shouting, "EVEN IF YOU GET THE BEANS, ONLY WILD CAN USE THEM.''

**Ekho** : Because none of them figured out how to make it

**Shark** : Legend knows

**Shark** : Time immediately turns on legend

**Shark** : TELL ME HOW TO MAKE THE BEAN JUICE

**Shark** : AND I WILL LET YOU LIVE

**Shark** : They fight some more, Four steals the beans in the chaos

**Somnus** : And now, the battle on getting Legend.

**Shark** : Time and legend are chasing four, everyone else is chasing legend

**Shark** : Twi and Sky literally sitting on a cloud up in skyloft

**Shark** : drinking tea peacefully

**Somnus** : Watching the chaos

**Shark** : as the sounds of swordfighting drift up from the ground below

**Somnus** : Twi: So, Zelda huh, ever told her you love her?

**Somnus** : Sky: Oh, not yet, what about you?

**Shark** : Time overpowers Legend, glares down at him. "Give me the Bean Secrets."

**Shark** : Legend: ID RATHER DIE

**Somnus** : And then Wild joining Twi and Sky

**Shark** : Twi: Fancy seeing you here

**Shark** : Wild, defeated: They Took My Beans,,,,,,

**Somnus** : Twi: pats back There there. Come have tea.

**Shark** : Wild, crying: yes 

**Shark** : On the ground, the conflict has now started to resolve as the bean castle falls

everyone has beans now

**Shark** : BUT

**Shark** : Only Legend and Wild know how to make the juice

**Shark** : Legend made Wild teach him

**Shark** : bc he already knows h's making a business deal with ravio when he gets back

**Shark** : Wild taught him to try and distance himself from the Horrible Beans but everyone likes Wild's more so it fails

**Shark** : Legend can make it but even following the recipe it's somehow worse

**Shark** : he'll fix that later, though, he decides

**Ekho** : "Soggy Bean Water is all we got. We wasted the whole crop"

**Shark** : Listen

**Somnus** : Wait, does anyone know how to get to the sky?

**Shark** : No one in the other hyrule's has EVER had coffee

**Shark** : soggy bean juice is revolutionary

**Shark** : just wait until Legend figures out how to make the good stuff

**Shark** : "Revali's gale is now ready"

**Shark** : Wild, crying into his tea: I bet Revali would have like the horrible bean juice

**Shark** : Wild: It's just as terrible as he was 

**Somnus** : Wild: Am I safe up here

**Somnus** : Sky: Don't worry, only sky people can access here.

**Ekho** : cue the 6 remaining landing on a cloud

**Shark** : I was doin research for a different drabble and twi and sky seem to be the only ones with a sky place

**Shark** : except

**Shark** : four does too

**Shark** : Four shows up with the beans

**Ekho** : Sky: "HOw"

**Shark** : Four: WHERE DO I HIDE THESE SKY HELP ME

**Shark** : Four: I HAVE TO KEEP THEM FROM TIME HES GOING TO HUNT ME DOWN

**Ekho** : "Throw them in the ocean!"

**Somnus** : Sky: WHY DID YOU BRING HIM HERE

**Shark** : Wild, sobbing: TAKAE THEM AWAY TAKE THEM AWAY

**Shark** : Twi: YOURE UPSETTING WILD

**Ekho** : "Make a faron bean party in the harbor"

**Somnus** : Save Wild from the Evil Bean Juice of Manipulation

**Shark** : Legend shoes up on Moosh

**Shark** : Legend: YOU CANT HIDE FROM ME FOUR

**Somnus** : Sky hiding Wild in the clouds.

**Ekho** : Person: " What have you been doing for the past hour?" Me: "Talking about bean juice.

**Shark** : THE BEANS CANT HURT YOU HERE

**Somnus** : Wild, crying: Can I stay with you forever

**Somnus** : Like, only the tea people are sane.

**Somnus** : Imagine Sky finally snapping at them

**Somnus** : Sky: The fuck are you guys doing!? 

**Shark** : Legend and Four look over, Legend is dangling four over the side of skyloft by his foot

**Shark** : Legend: The beans-

**Shark** : Sky: FUCK THE BEANS

**Shark** : Everyone: oh my god sky said fuck

**Shark** : SkY: FUCK THE BEANS AND FUCK ALL OF YOU YOURE UPSETTING WILD

**Shark** : Wild in the background sobbing

**Shark** : Wild, rocking back and forth: the beanss......

**Somnus** : Sky: Don't worry Wild, the beans are gone.

**Shark** : The beans fall out of Four's pockets and off the clouds in slow motion

**Shark** : Legend unhesitatingly jumps off after them

**Somnus** : And Sky's loftwing catching Legend

**Shark** : He's like >:D

**Shark** : and then he dumps him in the middle of Time and Warriors and Wind

**Shark** : and he's like D:<

**Somnus** : Sky: From now on, all of you are eating my food.

**Somnus** : Sky: I don't fucking care if you get sick.

**Somnus** : Except Wild

**Shark** : Wild: I love you sky

**Somnus** : Sky: Oh, and Twi. Twi's a good boy.

**Shark** : Hyrule is on thin ice

**Somnus** : ^

**Shark** : Hyrule is on Wild food probation

**Shark** : until he proves himself with good behavior   


**Shark** : Wild: sky you're my only friend

**Shark** : Twi: what-

**Shark** : Wild: my only friend,,,,,

**Somnus** : Wild: And Twi is my only mentor.

**Somnus** : Wild: I don't know the others.

**Shark** : Wild: Wow I sure am glad there are only 3 heroes

**Ekho** : The three courages of the triforce

**Shark** : WILD MAKES THEM FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS

**Somnus** : Sky: I'll always protect you Wild, from the evil beans.

**Shark** : they swear a pact

**Shark** : to never let the secret reach the rest of hyrule

**Shark** : The People will go to War for the Beans

**Skye** : what did the beans do

**Somnus** : Do not ask

**Shark** : They did so much damage.

**Shark** : So much pain

**Ekho** : The beans are behind us now

**Shark** : So much suffering

**Skye** : What Did The Beans Do

**Shark** : They must put them behind them

**Shark** : and move forward

**Skye** : ??

**Somnus** : F for all the casualties of the Bean war

**Skye** : WHyy

**Shark** : The Bean War lives on in infamy

**Shark** : as a warning 

**Shark** : a warning to never make the beans

**Shark** : never again 

**Ekho** : Never trust the beans

**Skye** : im so scared

**Ekho** : EVER 

**Shark** : Wild's Zelda writes a memoir about the Bean Castle and it's lauded as the work of the century

**Shark** : She never tells anyone about her role in it's downfall 

**Rose** : Even the mention of a bean brings the hero of wilds down to the ground trembling

**Shark** : -Movie credits narrator voice-

**Shark** : Legend returned to his hyrule deep in debt. he was never able to follow up on his contract with ravio

**Shark** : Time never recovered.

**Somnus** : Time died

**Ekho** : Time went back to his ranch where he wallowed in sadness till the end of his days

**Shark** : Time died very dramatically and kept opening his eye to look at Wild to see if he'd make him the bean juice

**Shark** : Time: I'm dying I need the bean juice

**Shark** : Wild, flatly: Die then

**Shark** : Time: if only wild had made me bean juice one more time

**Shark** : Wild; fuck you old man 

Ekho: Hyrule went home still trying to figure out where everything went wrong  

**Shark** : the beans did more damage than ganon ever will

**Shark** : The Era of the Great Bean Juice War 

**Shark** : but it only lasted like a week

**Shark** : all of this takes place in a week

**Shark** : four or five days really

**Shark** : LONKLONK RANCH IS WHAT LEGENDS BEAN STORE IS CALLED

ITS CANON

**Ekho** : YES

**Ekho** : I KNEW LONKLONK RANCH WOULD BE HELPFUL

**Shark** : TIME SUES HIM FOR COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT BUT HE SAYS ITS A PARODY SO ITS OK

**Shark** : HE LOSES THE LAWSUIT

(at this point in vc Rose is laughing too hard and has to go find their inhaler)

 

**Ekho** : dont die Rose 

**Rose** : I cantg beawth 

**Shark** : rose noo

**Somnus** : NOOOOOO

**Shark** : THE BEEAN JUICE CLAIMED ANOTHER VICTIM 

**Shark** : I’m gonna copypaste the like last hour and a half of the backlog and arrange it into fic

**Shark** : Drabble? No. Epic? Yes.

**Shark** : Homer who?

**Shark** : Odyssey what?

**Shark** : There is only bean juice

**Somnus** : This needs to be a movie.

**Shark** : Shall we put some angst in the Horrible Bean Juice saga

**Somnus** : Yes

**Somnus** : Someone forcing bean juice into Sky's throat and he ded

**Shark** : Sky: Wild.... they got me.... pull the trigger wild....

**Somnus** : Wild, crying: No sky! Don't leave me please!

**Somnus** : Sky: The Bean Juice... It's killing me.. I'm starting to like it

**Shark** : All the bean juice lovers in deadpan unison: _ its an acquired taste _

**Somnus** : And that was when, Sky was lost to the bean juice lovers

**Shark** : Twilight and Wild run into the wilderness. They have to start anew

**Somnus** : Wild: I already lost everything. What more do you want?

**Ekho** : "The Beans"

**Shark** : "The BEans"

**Rose** : "The BeAnS"

**Somnus** : Wild, crying: I hate you guys

**Ekho** : "tHE bEaNS"


End file.
